Welcome to my Book of Mirrors



This is my spiritual journey. I am looking for the truth of who I am and who God is, unfettered by the traditions prescribed by my family, church and culture.

25 February 2008

'I found God in myself and I loved her fiercely.'

Ntozake Shange

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

At The Crossroads

In 2008 I discovered some things about life and about myself. A few truths that I have been searching for in this life's journey.

I found a peace and strength that does not depend on the knowledge of language or dogma, but on the knowledge of myself and who I AM.

It doesn't matter what the name of IT is... or the perception which one has of it. It does not matter whether or not one subscribes to a particular set of beliefs, or can recite a particular mantra. It isn't neccessary to try to be 'good' or dutiful. It doesn't matter if I am volunteering for worthy organisations, giving to charity or attending religious worship. (Things I have been compelled to do, by myself or others, all my life.)

All that matters is that I AM. I have heard the saying before, by people who I am not certain even know what it means: Be a Human Being, not a Human Doing.

All is well in my world.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Happy Módraniht

Tonight I am celebrating Módraniht- Mothers' Night. The night the new year is born. We will be feasting on Chinese food... from a new place that just opened in town, supposed to be really good. And I shall be baking a cake using my grandmother's recipe.

Tonight is the festival of the disir, the tribal soul-mothers. The mothers who have gone through and past death to become sources of wisdom and soul-might for their living folk. I think of my grandmother, who passed away four weeks ago. I am grateful for the wisdom she passed to me while she was alive, and tonight I will remember her as I make the cake she made with me, and for me, so many times. She lives on, in my soul.

Monday, November 17, 2008

It's God, Jim, but not as we know it..

Why is it that when I tell Xtians I don't follow their religion, they assume I don't believe in God?

I told a neighbour that I was not a Xtian- her response? 'Oh well, I can't believe there isn't a god out there that doesn't care about us.' Well honey, you're in the wrong religion!

Of course I know that intelligent mind... that sustaining life-force, infinitely encompassing and yet intimately knowable.

Now deep in my heart I know that I am no religion. I am not a Xtian, I am not a Pagan. I just am.

However, for years people tried to tell me who I was, I was even NAMED after their god. I was given an identity that did not tell the truth about who I am.

I am all these things, and I am none.

Currently I prefer to identify myself as Pagan. It distances me from the false identity I was given as a child. It helps me remember the truth.

I am an expression of Divine Consciousness. Of course I know God. Just not as you know Her.

How sad to be a woman--not to know

Aught of the glory of this breast of snow,

All unconcerned to comb this mighty hair;

To be a woman and yet never know!

Were I a woman, I would all day long

Sing my own beauty in some holy song,

Bend low before it, hushed and half afraid,

And say "I am a woman" all day long.

- Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Remembrance Day

I remember Remembrance Day... a time to remember the horror and suffering caused by Patriarchy. If xtians truly believed a word their so-called god-man Jesus said, Churchill would be no more a hero than Hitler. The Jews were terribly oppressed by the Romans, but Jesus didn't pull a Dresden on them. No, he surrendered. In fact, that's the meaning behind the xtian sacred symbol- the cross of death, of surrender. Jesus taught surrender. In fact, if you want to follow Jesus' teachings, try Buddhism. You won't find as much in a modern-day church.

No, I simply cannot call ignorance heroism. Although my grandfathers and great grandfathers were veterans of wars, I do not see them as heroes for their part in the killing. I pity them. But I am almost angered to be expected to pay in my time or money to extoll our war veterans. In history I was taught about the perception of war at the beginning of the last century, as noble and heroic. Men were desperate to get into battle... any battle. Does anyone know the point of WWI? So tragically pathetic it was made into a succesful comedy 'Blackadder Goes Forth' with very little fiction needing to be added to the scripts.

I willingly admit that I am a coward. But I do not applaud anyone who has taken up arms against another human being. No, my heroes are elsewhere. Maybe I'll start my own Remembrance Day, to recognise the true heroic examples set in this world by Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Aung San Suu Kyi, Nelson Mandela, and the Dalai Lama. Theirs is a courage so far above what most of us understand, that we call anyone who admires them 'New Age.' Their followers do not go out to fight. They go out to die.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I'm So Gorgeous

After six years of having babies, I am done. And now I truly have my body back (no pregnancy, no breastfeeding) I feel fantabulous. The last time I felt like I looked this good, I was seventeen.

Now I can't believe I was made so beautiful for no reason. I was made to be enjoyed, to be worshiped. I want to be worshiped.

If I could just get over my fear of receiving love, of receiving pleasure. I was raised on the message of self-sacrifice. I am a good giver. But I am a poor receiver. I am embarrassed by compliments, feel guilty accepting gifts.

It could be a result of being taught as a child that I was born fundamentally flawed, inherently corrupt, naturally bent to evil.

Now as a mother, I know that is a lie. My babies are perfect. They were born perfect. It's only the fear they've learned from me that corrupts them.

Now I reject those lies I was taught (by people themselves almost totally controlled by fear). Stress, depression, anger... all come from fear.

But how do I scrape away the residue of those lies? The fear that still grips me? How do I learn to fly, to be free?

How do I remain in the constant awareness of the truth... that I AM?

Saturday, November 1, 2008


It's harder to trace women's history. Even now it is the culturally accepted norm for a woman's family name to be erased when she enters a monogomous relationship with a man.

Astarte and her consort Baal, Asherah and her consort El. Both female and male aspects of divinity worshipped together, until patriarchy stamped out the feminine divine. History is written by the conquerors, so I wouldn't believe a word written about the 'vile' worship of the feminine principle. Particularly by a group of people who believe it's OK to slaughter a city of women, children and animals. (How is that better than the so-called child sacrifice these victims were accused of?)

Because my god is right, your god is wrong. I'm the winner, you're the loser.

However, women are great story tellers. Women preserve their family history, through scrapbooks and photo albums. Woman is the heartbeat of the family, keeping the strands together, keeping the relationships between generations and between her children.

And whether or not history is true, does not matter.

I know my truth, because I am. This is my story. Herstory. I will write new myths, because a myth after all, only helps to explain a truth. The truth remains. The myth can be re-written.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

To the Crossroads

To the crossroads I must go
To find a world unseen
Fear and wonder will I know
And be a bridge between

Come away my human child
To find the world unseen
Know the hearth and know the wild
And be a bridge between

Come away oh human child
Come take me by the hand
To the water and the wild
Into another land

You will shed no human tear
And hear no human cry
You shall in beauty dwell
And you will never die

~Anon (I love this poem so if anyone out there knows the author, please let me know!)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

What's Wrong With Patriarchy?

My father, a staunch defender of the xtian faith, asked me this question and I was too choked to respond. Since then however it has been like a mosquito bite in my mind, irritating me and flaring up now and then.

What's wrong with Patriarchy? What's wrong with hierarchy? What's wrong with slavery? What's wrong with the status quo, god's order in the natural world?

I found a confederate-supporting website with 'quotes' from slaves who reminisced about the 'good old days' when the 'kind master' took care of his poor negroes. I have even read that some Russians look back with nostalgia to the days of communism, when they knew their basic needs would be met by the state.

What's wrong with Patriarchy? My first thought was 'Nothing, if you're a man!' But that is not true. Patriarchy hurts men. White supremacy hurts whites. Slavery hurts slave owners. We are all part of the whole, and when one suffers, we all do.

Any goddess knows that.

The False Self

We are all engaged in the task of peeling off the false selves, the programmed selves, the selves created by our families, our culture, our religions. It is an enormous task because the history of women has been as incompletely told as the history of blacks.

- Anais Nin

The Goddess in Me

I want to worship, and be worshipped.

I see the divine in you, and want to reveal the divine in me.

To love with body, mind and soul.

To be present in every part of my physical being.

To radiate light and love: no barriers, no limitations.

Just to be.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


Self-realization is the knowing in all parts of body, mind, and soul that you are now in possession of the kingdom of God; that you do not have to pray that it come to you; that God’s omnipresence is your omnipresence; and that all that you need to do is improve your knowing.

-Paramahansa Yogananda

Friday, April 11, 2008


The Great Lie that Jesus came to free us from, has, ironically, been perpetuated by Christianity.

The lie is this: You are separate from God. Therefore, if you want to be like God, you must do something.

The tempter in the garden was the first, then there were the Pharisees, then there is the modern day Christian Church.

This is their 'Good News': You are cut off from God because of your sin. Because of this, you deserve to die. However, because someone died in your place, all you have to do is follow the One who died, and you will be re-united with God.

Then men come along and tell you their interpretation of the One who died, what he said and did, what he meant, and what 'following Him' entails.

This is not Good News! This is exchanging one death sentence for another.

Jesus did not say 'because of my faith/sacrafice, you are healed.'

No! He said: 'because of your faith you are healed.' (Luke 18:42, 8:48 etc)

Jesus said: 'God said to certain leaders of the people, I say you are gods!...those people, who recieved God's message, were called gods.' (John 10:34-35 NLT)

Jesus' life and death demonstrated that we are one with God throughout our life and death.

His purpose wasn't to die. His purpose was to show us how we can live, even after death.

God's presence was always accessible to all- even before Jesus' death. (Moses, David etc)

We don't have to 'invite God in.' We have to realise God has always been there.

Jesus didn't 'make us right with God.' He reminded us we are gods. (Psalm 82:6)

He wasn't the Great Exception. He was the Great Example.

This is the Good News.


The separation is a lie. It's the TRUTH that sets us free, not the sacrafice.

Anyone who knows the TRUTH knows God. That is why Jesus said He was the way. Not because it is an elitist system whereby only Christians can know God. But because those who know God, know the Truth. Because we are in God and God is in us, just as God is in Jesus and vice versa. We are all one. If you know God, you know everyone who is in God. We recognise each other by our fruits (Luke 6:43) not by our fish stickers or WWJD bracelets.

Then when we know, there is NO NEED for a priest, a minister, a church, or even a Holy Book. These are external things that detract us from the SOURCE, who is within us.

We need only to quieten our minds to listen to it. Then it doesn't matter what anyone else says, or how they interpret what is right or wrong. Because we are gods.

If only we knew it.

Ultimately it is fear of surrender, of dying to our false identity that holds us back. We think we are our sin- and we think that sin is an object. It is BELIEVING that our sin has cut us off from God that separates us, not the sin itself!

Sin is merely an action that causes an undesirable effect in our lives. If we only knew the truth about ourselves. The part of us that is TRULY us, is the part that has no sin, no separation from God. If we acknowledged that, we would know that we only sin when we move out of that 'knowing.'

If I remain, abide, in that state of realisation, as Jesus told us to (John 15:4) we would never sin! And all the residue of our past sin would evaporate. In the East, permanently abiding in this state of awareness is called 'enlightenment.'

Even before we reach permanent enlightenment, when we do stray from the truth, and thereby sin, all we have to do is REMEMBER WHO WE ARE and get right back to that awareness again. Don't be guilty, don't make penance through self-punishment. Just ABIDE, ABIDE, ABIDE!!

If I am part of God, I need not fear. I always was and always will be. I do not need to act. And if I do, it will be GOOD actions.

NO ONE can tell you how to act. When you are enlightened, you may do things that even appear to contradict Jesus' message of 'turn the other cheek.' When Jesus went into the temple with a whip, did he look like he was 'turning the other cheek?'

He must have scared the pants off them! And everyone who knew the scriptures (Pharisees) thought he was always flaunting them! But it didn't matter.

Because HE KNEW he was God, and he answered to NOBODY BUT HIMSELF.

So when you know God, you will answer to no-one else. Things you say and do may shock Christians. You may appear to be a heathen. But only those who are also enlightened, will know. They will not judge. They will simply see your fruits- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and self-control. The rest doesn't matter.


God is not on my side. God is on OUR side.

God cannot be found in Christianity, Islam, Paganism. God can only be found in YOU.

Just shut up and listen to Her! (Or Him, if you like.)

You will never be the same. Once you've tasted it, YOU CAN'T GO BACK!!

'The last obstacle, is believing there is an obstacle.'



I have grasped the truth that I AM.

The first and only lie is that we are separate from God.

We have never been separate from God. We never could be. We simply believed we were, and acted accordingly.

I AM because YOU ARE.

I am perfect, holy, without sin. I have no guilt, no shame. I am whole and complete. I never needed to do anything to achieve this state, other than accept it. In this moment I have all the power, all the grace I will ever need. I just need to abide in it!

So mote it be!


There are basically two movements of consciousness: Love and Fear. Love is allowing what is and fear is resisting it.


O SERVANT, where dost thou seek Me?
Lo! I am beside thee.
I am neither in temple nor in mosque: I am neither in Kaaba nor in Kailash:
Neither am I in rites and ceremonies, nor in Yoga and renunciation.
If thou art a true seeker, thou shalt at once see Me: thou shalt meet Me in a moment of time.
Kabîr says, "O Sadhu! God is the breath of all breath.

-Kabir (1440-1518)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ignorance vs Understanding

The original meaning of sin was simply to fall short of or "miss the mark" of spiritual perfection. A sin is not a thing, it is merely an activity that produces an undesirable effect in our lives. In other words, we are punished by our sins, not for them.

(From the United Church of Religious Science website)

Ignorance is a sin. I know I am suffering from it. Sometimes I even acknowledge it. But often I find I am attacked for having this condition, rather than recieving any compassion. At least I am aware of my ignorance, and sometimes able to be aware of the ignorance in the person attacking me (because attacking an ignorant person is ignorance! If you really knew someone was ignorant, you would have compassion for them, unless you were evil!)

We adopted a puppy eight weeks ago. We have never had a dog before. We thought now was a good time because we have the space (half an acre) and getting it while the kids were young would truly make it part of the family.

We spent a lot of money on a crate, blanket, toys, collar, leash, having vaccinations, de-worming, and buying the 'best' dog food from the vet. We have been keeping 'Bongo' on the deck and the fenced area below, because the rest of our yard doesn't have a fence yet. He was mostly inside when we first got him, but was peeing everywhere including his bed (even after being outside for half an hour- he would come in and pee on his bed immediately!) With four kids I couldn't keep on top of it, so we decided to postpone it until he has been neutered next month.

He does bark outside, but when we moved in, before we had a dog, our neighbour's two dogs would bark all night long. It drove us crazy until we got used to it. So we figured no-one would mind about Bongo! They bark at each other, appearing to have conversations.

Bongo has not yet had all his vaccinations, and we have been advised by the vet not to take him for walks until the course of vaccinations is complete. But we know this is only a temporary thing.

Imagine our surprise to receive an anonymous letter yesterday signed 'several families in the neighbourhood,' accusing us of dog abuse! This letter said we were neglecting our dog by not giving it any attention or taking it for walks, and allowing it to bark in the night.

We were shocked. I immediately went to two different neighbours to find out who had sent it, in the hopes of discussing it like a good neighbour (not a coward who sends cruel anonymous letters!) One was not home, the other denied knowing anything about it. I explained, regardless, that we had only had the dog eight weeks, it did not have all its shots, and we were planning on keeping him inside when he had been neutered.

The neighbours I spoke to have two dogs in a small fenced area that are able to go in and out of their garage through a dog flap. They bark in the night frequently and I have never seen them taken for walks.

On the other side, the neighbour has a dog but no fence. This dog stays inside most of the time (I assume, because I don't see it) except for when it is allowed to wander all over the neighbourhood, pooping in other people's yards (including ours!) We have seen the owner sometimes take the dog for a proper walk, and watched him allow his dog to poop on other front yards without scooping it!

We have no neighbours behind us, so I can only assume one of these two dog owners sent us the letter accusing us of neglect.

The mind boggles.

It reminds me of the many times childless strangers have made comments to me about my children in public places. Once, in the Army and Navy, a woman told me I wasn't keeping close enough to my kids who were buckled in to a double stroller. She grabbed the stroller and pulled it towards me. I didn't have a chance to explain that the aisle was too narrow and once the girls were in arm's length they would grab everything off the rails.

Goddess help me to remember, if I see someone appearing to neglect their kids or dog, to act in a kind and compassionate manner!

Monday, March 31, 2008

Love Songs for My Husband

Dedicated from Me to You, with Love x x x

Nora Jones Come Away With Me

Snow Patrol Chasing Cars

Darren Hayes Insatiable

Dinah Washington What a Difference a Day Makes

Nat 'King' Cole L.O.V.E.

Coldplay Yellow

Sixpence None the Richer Kiss Me

Eva Cassidy I Know You By Heart

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Science and Magic

I see science as male, and magic as mystery, as female.

The two complement each other, and a knowledge of science can enhance magic. Together they can be spiritual. But science without magic is no longer spiritual.

However, magic can be spiritual without science. It has been so, long before the existence of modern science.

To me this is an illustration of how Goddess is complete in herself. The Divine can be acknowledged as either male or female. But religion without the Goddess is no longer spiritual.

Even in Christianity, the Spirit is Ruach HaKodesh, female. When she is no longer acknowledged, Christianity is no longer spiritual, just religion. Without Ruach HaKodesh, one can never reach true union with the Divine.

Without Her, it is just religion. Religion without spirituality is empty. It becomes destructive, as we have seen in Fundamentalism. It is religion for religion's sake, not true union with the Divine Creator. (Enlightenment).

It is neccesary to have the Spirit to commune with God. It is not neccesary to have a knowledge of Jesus. The Native Americans knew the Great Spirit. They knew God. They were close the Earth. Christians believe that their understanding of God is enhanced by a knowledge of Jesus, but even Christians I know acknowledge that people who haven't heard about Jesus can know God. That is because of Her.

I believe that equal representation of men and women in religious leadership isn't neccesary. As long as there are women in leadership, it doesn't matter if there is an equal amount of men.

I love men. I am married, I love my husband, my son and my father. What I am saying is not anti-male. It is pro-humankind.

It may sound a little extreme, and I am not saying let's get rid of Jesus. I am saying let's acknowledge Her how She needs to be acknowledged, for the sake of saving the human race, the Earth, and everything in it.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Women Rule The World

They say that man is mighty
He governs land and sea
He wields a mighty sceptre
O'er lesser powers that be
But a mightier power and stronger
Man from his throne has hurled
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

William Ross Wallace

Woman is the salvation or destruction of the family. She carries its destinies in the folds of her mantle.

Henri-Frederic Amiel (1821-1881)

We bear the world, and we make it....There was never a great man who had not a great mother- it is hardly an exaggeration.

Olive Schreiner (1855-1920)

I used to think these were pretty words, but, if they were true, and women are so great (which I think they are) why is the world such a mess? Either these words are patronising, and women have no real power, or these words are true, and women are devils.

I now believe that these words are true, and the problem is that women need healing. The healing of Earth will come through the healing of Womankind.

A woman who does not know how to love and heal herself cannot give love and healing to the world. She who does not love and respect herself will not attract a respectful and loving partner, and the next generation of that union will suffer from that legacy.

The last quote by Olive Schreiner is interesting. Churchill, Eisenhower, Edison and many more have all attributed their success to their mothers.

This is not to say that a woman's place is limited to 'behind the scenes', unless she chooses it. But it does reinforce the first quote, that ultimately 'the hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.'

This is why women's healing and empowerment is so vital. We are the first teachers, spiritual guides, healers and leaders of humanity. If we are broken, humankind is lost.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Witches and Scapegoats

By Austin Cline

Jews and heretics were often treated as scapegoats for other social problems and witches ended up no different. Regions with the most social and political unrest also happened to be those with the greatest problem with witches. Every social, political, and natural problem was blamed on witches. Crop failure? Witches did it. Well gone bad? Witches poisoned it. Political unrest and rebellion? Witches are behind it. Strife in the community? Witches are influencing people.

Lest anyone imagine that the persecution of witches has been relegated to the distant past, it must be noted that witch hunts -- and killings -- continue well into our own "enlightened" times. The church's creation of witchcraft and devil worship has exacted a heavy and bloody toll on humanity which still has not yet been fully paid.

In 1928, a Hungarian family was acquitted of killing an old woman they thought was a witch. In 1976, a poor German woman was suspected of being a witch and keeping familiars, so people in the small town ostracized her, pelted her with stones, and killed her animals. In 1977 in France, a man was killed for suspected sorcery. In 1981, a mob stoned a woman to death in Mexico because they believed that her witchcraft incited an attack on the Pope.

In Africa today, fears of witchcraft cause the persecution and death of people on a regular basis. Parents who fear that their children are possessed or are witches either kill them or turn them out into the streets. Government authorities have tried to put a stop to such nonsense, but they haven't had much luck. Both traditional African religion and Christianity contain enough to feed people's superstitious fears and this leads to others being harmed.

It's not just allegations of witchcraft which causes people to behave like this. Many other things can become the object of hysterical persecutions and prosecutions. Sometimes the alleged threats are genuine and sometimes they are not; in either case, the threats are magnified to such a degree that people no longer feel bound by traditional standards of justice or morality in order to confront their enemies. The consequences are almost always violence and suffering pursued in the name of good and God.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Cost of Sleep Deprivation

The 1989 Exxon Valdez oil tank disaster in Alaska, the 1986 space shuttle Challenger explosion, and the 1986 nuclear plant explosion in Chernobyl have all been attributed to sleep deprivation.

The mate at the helm of the tanker was severely sleep deprived and was therefore unable to respond to simple navigational directions. Two of the three top managers responsible for Challenger had had less than three hours of sleep for the 3 consecutive nights before the launch and performed poor last minute evaluations. The engineers at Chernobyl had been at work for 13 hours or more, and totally missed or were confused by the warning signals on their control panels.

Mood shifts, depression, increased irritability, loss of sense of humour, stress, anxiety, loss of coping skills, disengaging from the outside world, are all symptoms of sleep deprivation.

In the first year of your baby's life, his primary caregiver stands to lose 700 hours of sleep.

According to a Salary.com survey, stay-at-home moms work a 92-hour week, with more than half the workweek spent in overtime.

As I write this, it is midnight. My baby is kicking me and pooing in her diaper while I balance the laptop on my knees. I cannot sleep, though I am desperate for it. I do not know when I will finally be 'allowed.' Could be another hour, maybe two.

I will probably be woken again to feed baby at about 6:00.

And my other kids NEVER ever sleep beyond 8:00.

So I am writing this to remind myself that I am not an evil person, although I feel like it. I am simply suffering acute sleep deprivation and I no longer recognise myself. And I understand very, very well, those mothers that lose it with their kids. They are victims too. Do not EVER judge anyone, till you have walked a mile in their shoes (or lost 700 hours of sleep in a year).

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Shack

I recently read 'The Shack,' a novel about God by a Christian author named William P. Young. The book encourages its readers to go to the website and contact the author, which I did. Here is my e-mail:


I was given a copy of 'The Shack' by my parents for my 30th birthday. I have long rejected the patriarchy of Christianity and my father, who is a very committed Christian, thought the book might change my view.

Although I did appreciate your comments regarding hierarchy and male rule, I am afraid I found the story to be a little paradoxical. It appears that you have made an attempt to disassociate the Christian God from the religion of Christianity, while defending it at the same time

One example is Papa's explanation for having emphasised himelf as a father. This is apparently because true fathering is 'much more lacking than mothering.'

Now if it is true that fathers have done such a poor job, it would not make sense for God to reveal himself as a father. He only associates himself with 'good' things such as lambs and doves, not snakes and dragons. The real reason, is of course, that it is partiarchal society who has chosen to acknowledge God as a father. Why would God take responsibility for that? He is not sexist! The creator has revealed himself as mother and father- but not in the Bible, as interpreted by Jews and Christians.

I guess what I would like to say is that Christianity, as revealed in the Bible, is patriarchal through and through. It is refreshing to see God portrayed as women, but at the end of the day, you have proven that partiarchy and Christianity can't be separated. That is, not without challenging the infallibility of the Bible.

I also have to say that I was amused to see the following quote by Eugene Peterson on the front cover:

'This book has the potential to do for our generation what John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress did for his. It's that good!'

John Bunyan famously attacked the Quakers for their non-hierarchal beliefs, including allowing women to participate equally in religious meetings. I certainly hope that this generation isn't affected by you as John Bunyan's was by him- by emigrating to find religious freedom!

I have only seen positive reviews for your book on Amazon, and on your website, so I am sure Christians love it. But I am no longer Christian, and your book reminds me why!

Best wishes,


Thursday, March 6, 2008

What is a witch?

There are many interpretations of what a witch is, just as there are many interpretations of what a Christian is. However, you should not go to a Christian to ask what a witch is any more than you should depend on a witch to tell you what a Christian is.

As a witch, this is how I see it:

I see the divine as feminine (Shekinah, Ruach HaKodesh, Ariadne etc). I also see the divine in nature.

Rituals are physical ways of connecting with the non-physical. Nearly every Christian practises Baptism and Holy Communion. Witches too may bathe as a symbolic gesture of inner purification. They may also eat cake and wine as part of a ritual.

Spells are prayers. Catholics and Anglicans light candles. Each candle is a prayer. Witches do the same. Spells do not require physical tools, but sometimes they help to focus intent. Everyone agrees, however, that the most powerful spells are the ones you make up yourself. Witches often have a personal record book, called a 'Book of Shadows.' It's a prayer diary.

A Book of Mirrors is simply a journal, not neccesarily a record of spells and rituals.

Magic is life. Quantam physicists tell us that everything is energy. Everything vibrates. Magic is everything and in everything.

There are many reasons witches are and have been persecuted. The main reason I can see is because the majority are women, worshiping the divine in their own personal way. There are no taboos and no methods of control. I am not Wiccan because Wicca is a new religion founded in the 1950s by a man who took elements from various pagan religions. The kind of witchcraft I subscribe to doesn't really need any books or rules. I've already been doing it all my life. It's just now I know it has a name and I've found other women doing it too.

The Way of the Green Witch

"Using the word 'witch' invariably brings us to the word 'magic.' This is a word that can cause confusion. Magic is not illusion, nor is it the artificial manipulation of unnatural forces. In fact, magic is perfectly natural: it is the use of natural energy with conscious intent and awareness to help attain a better understanding of the world around you and to harmonize yourself witht the world's energies.
Most green witches find the use of the word 'magic' to be irrelevant. Magic implies something out of the ordinary. But to a green witch the mundane is magical. When she senses, responds to , and gently nudges the flows of natural energy around her. She's performing natural magic. Nature itself is magical. The everyday is sacred to the green witch.

Arin Murphy-Hiscock, The Way of the Green Witch

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Labyrinth

I have often confused the word labyrinth and maze, thinking that they were one and the same thing. The labyrinth pictured above is at Willen Lake, Milton Keynes, where I once lived.

I saw it, but did not think much of it. I thought it was silly- there's no hedges or anything, you can't get lost, what's the point in that?!

I did not know what the labyrinth was.

There is actually a vast difference between a maze and a labyrinth. A maze confuses, distresses, excites, and terrifies, whereas a labyrinth calms, heals, comforts and balances.

The labyrinth is an ancient tool of meditation, a symbol of spiritual journey. It was used in medieval cathedrals, such as Our Lady of Chartres in France. It was thought of as a symbolic form of pilgrimage, for people who could not afford to travel to holy sites.

In the States, labyrinths are being used in hospitals as a complementary therapy for inner healing.

Homer's Iliad records that Ariadne of Crete had a labyrinth dancing ground. The classical seven circuit labyrinth, sometimes called the 'Cretan labyrinth' is shown below.
Crete means 'stong, or ruling, goddess.' In this ancient civillization, the achievements in government and peaceful arts were more advanced than any other Mediterranean society. Women were powerful leaders in religion and society. And they worshipped a Goddess, whom many identify as Ariadne.

Her labyrinth has no dead ends. There are no wrong turns. It is not designed to be difficult, but to be danced with joy. Although meandering, it is unicursal, and leads you right to the centre.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

What is Love?

I often struggle with accepting unconditional love.

Although I have been surrounded by people professing to believe in the God of Love and following his highest rule, 'Do for others what you would like them to do for you.' (Matthew 7:12 NLT) there is often a 'higher rule' that reigns.

This rule is: my belief is the only good and true belief.

If you believe in this rule, every other belief that varies from yours is wrong. This is why not even Christians can agree. There are lots of different denominations to prove this.

Not only do you disagree, but you will be undoubtably be led to actions that contradict Matthew 7:12.

I heard of a mother who once told her daughter 'If you ever live with your fiancee before you get married, I will not go to your wedding.'

Now how would that mother feel, if her own mother had told her: 'Unless you live with your fiancee before you get married, I am not going to your wedding.'

Is that love? Is being right higher than love?

If you don't receive love, it is impossible to give love.

That is why I cannot judge the mother's statement. Perhaps this is the way she sees her God, and how she receives 'love' from him. By being 'right.'

If she wasn't 'right' maybe she wouldn't be welcome in his house. Or maybe she would- up to a point. Maybe he would 'pity' her. Any way you put it, it's hardly unconditional love.

A Christian once e-mailed me a petition against the building of a mosque in England. I did not sign it. I thought, 'would Christians like Muslims to petition against the building of a church?' The thing is, I did not feel the same conviction that God was on the Christian's side.

When you feel that 'God is on your side' you start to become militant. I met a Muslim who told me once: 'the Islam you see on T.V? That's political. It's not Islam.'

When you feel God is on your side, others become enemies. You start to find out everything wrong about them. Everything you find only serves to justify the belief that God is on your side.

Wouldn't it be interesting to find out how Muslims view Christians? Particularly as America is still seen, to some extent, as a Christian country.

Recently, I have abandoned my fear about Satan and Hell. I renounced my belief in Satan. And Hell is quite close to here. So at least I know it.

This has enabled me to truly be able to embrace other beliefs. And guess what? I have discovered amazing things.

The number one thing is that Love is the foundation for everything. If you look into nearly every religion, the basis is unconditional love.

In fact, I have found more unconditional acceptance and love written into the rules of some other religions than is written into the Bible.

I know many Christians who do love unconditionally. But being a Christian doesn't automatically mean you will. It depends on how you interpret the Bible.

I don't think that Christianity is wrong. It works for a lot of people. For them, it is right.

I do think, however, that either God isn't big enough or our conception of him isn't.

God in a Box

When I visited the Aeta hill tribe (see 'Hill Tribe Magic') I went as an employee of a large religion based humanitarian relief organization. This organisation provided the water buffaloes and water pump to the tribe. They were clearly grateful- almost all converted.

However, I hesitate to sing the praises of this charity because they also bestowed 'the gift of shame.' (see The Simpsons episode Missionary: Impossible)

I was told the native women didn't always wear t-shirts. Who 'opened their eyes' and told them they were naked?

To me, the definition of proselytizing is judging. To proselytize means to assume you are right, they are wrong. To do anything with this motive is the opposite of love.

Perhaps your truth is right for you, and their truth is right for them?

There is , however, one universally acknowledged truth; the Golden Rule. (Even those who break it want it applied to them!)

If everyone stuck to this, there would be no proselytizing. For I never heard of any missionary that enjoyed having his target audience try to convert him.

And if God needs his interests protected by humans, he is very small indeed.

Holy Book?

Have you ever been in a Christian bookstore?

I have to say my overwhelming feeling, being in one large Christian bookstore in Langley, B.C. was of being in the midst of the moneychangers at the temple.

I saw jewelry and trinkets, wall plaques and figurines. Posters, CDs and journals. Put together as if they were more sacred and spiritual than any other piece of jewelry, trinket, wall plaque, figurine, poster, CD or journal in the mall across the road.

Some books, of course, were marked 'Holy.'

Come again? A book that has been written, translated and interpreted by men?

Ah, but this book was 'inspired' by the Spirit.

Wonderful! I have shelves of books that I love because I believe they are 'inspired.'

But I wouldn't pay a premium to buy them bound in leather with my name engraved on the front. (Like I did once ten years ago). And I wouldn't worship them and defend them to the death.

I believe that the Spirit that speaks through books is holy, not the book itself.

Interestingly, a New Age bookstore is very similar. Ever been?

If I Only Had a Brain...

Proof I went to college...

blog readability test

Movie Reviews

I feel like the Scarecrow receiving his diploma from the Wizard of Oz!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lunar Eclipse

These are photos my husband took while we witnessed the eclipse from our deck. It was cold, the snow is still deep on the ground. We bundled the kids up and even the dog came to watch the 'cosmic ballet.' Magical!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Expecting the Best

I have been working at controlling what I think, and it is definitely helpful. My favourite thought is: 'Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.' This is usually after a disagreement with my husband.

I've learned this truth through hard experience. It wasn't something I got out of a Louise Hay book (but her books have helped me to be aware of how important what I choose to think is.)

When I stopped thinking 'he' was out to get me, that 'he' was mean, selfish and lazy, lo and behold, 'he' was loving, generous and hard working. Of course he says he always was, and I didn't recognise it...

My marriage is great. Now I have to work on the rest of my life....

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Secret

'Things are not brought into being by thinking about their opposites. Health is never to be obtained by studying disease and thinking about disease; righteousness is not to be promoted by studying sin and thinking about sin; and no-one ever got rich by studying poverty and thinking about poverty.

Medicine as a science of disease has increased disease; religion as a science of sin has promoted sin, and economics as a study of poverty will fill the world with wretchedness and want.

Do not talk about poverty; do not investigate it, or concern yourself with it. Never mind what its causes are; you have nothing to do with them.

What concerns you is the cure.

Do not spend your time in charitable work, or charity movements; all charity tends to perpetuate the wretchedness it aims to eradicate.

I do not say that you should be hard hearted or unkind, and refuse to hear the cry of need; but you must not try to eradicate poverty in any of the conventional ways. Put poverty behind you, and put all that pertains to it behind you, and "make good."

Get rich: that is the best way you can help the poor.'

-Wallace D. Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich (1910)

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor.

Isaiah 61:1

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Myths and Truth

Since my teens, I have always believed that the creation myth was just that- a myth. Rich with meaning and symbolism, but not literal fact.

If one wishes to believe the Earth is 6,000 years old, that's fine. But what a limiting belief to live with.

I attended a special presentation once, sponsored by a local church, with a visitor from a Christian organisation dedicated to proving that the Bible was to be taken literally, particularly the creation story.

They seemed to be afraid that disproving the creation story would disprove the very existence of God. Or at least, destroy the foundation for Christianity; the reliability of the Bible.

This same fear was the motivation behind the persecution of Galileo who claimed that the sun was the centre of the solar system. In the end, he was forced to recant this belief and spent the rest of his life under house arrest on the orders of the Inquisition.

We now know the truth thanks to other brave people that went to the source...nature itself. These people, known as scientists, found indisputable proof that the earth is not the centre of the universe. And yet, somehow, Christianity survived.

I believe that God speaks through the Bible. I believe God has spoken to me through the Bible. I also believe that God has spoken to me through many other 'secular' books, poems and lyrics. None of these are to be taken literally and venerated as holy in themselves, but they all contain spiritual truths.

Towards the end of his life, Albert Einstein attempted, unsuccesfully, to find a theory that would unite all the laws of physics. One of the reasons he failed was that he rejected the theory of quantum mechanics. Einstein said, “I can’t imagine God playing dice with the universe.” Ironically, it was his restrictive religious beliefs that got in the way of his science.

I am not afraid to have my beliefs challenged. Well yes I am, but I am more afraid of not knowing the truth.

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
-James A. Garfield, twentieth president of the U.S.

What is Magic?

True magic is not a trick or illusion.

Magic does not involve summoning demons, nor a pact with the devil.

Magic is not supernatural.

Magic does not break the laws of nature; when it appears to do so, that is because it is obeying laws that the observer has not yet understood.
-Janet and Stewart Ferrar

Magic is liberating. It is not elitist or patriarchal. It can be learned and practised by anyone.

Magic is about personal transformation.

This is the goal of all spiritual paths: to reconnect with the Source, to bridge the chasm of illusion which makes us feel separate and alone, to come Home.

Magick requires daring. It brings out the 'little death' which is part of rebirth. Not to change is to stagnate and die; but to willingly offer up the life we know is to find a greater Life.

-Amber K, True Magick: A Beginner's Guide

Magic does not depend on someone else's schedule or agenda. It is deeply personal and involves following your own heart, not someone else's wishes or rules. That is why so many witches are solitary and do not belong to a group or 'coven.'

Magic is fun! Many witches quote the charge of the Goddess which states 'All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.'

This means that picking blackberries on a hot August afternoon, making pies with my grandmother's rolling pin, and reading to my children in bed are all acts of worship. Being is worship.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Love's Legacy

Ten years ago, we were nineteen, totally and foolishly in love. We said we wanted to get married... to their credit, no one took us seriously. But we did it anyway, a year later.

However, February 14, 1998 was our first Valentine's Day together. We each lived with friends, so to be alone together we had to go out. We had barely any money, and not a credit card between us. We wanted to make a reservation at the 'Notre Dame' restaurant in Muswell Hill, London. So we asked a friend who did own a credit card to call and make the reservation on our behalf.

It was an hour's bus ride down to London. I brought my best dress and he brought a shirt and tie. We went to his parent's house first to change, then took a taxi to the restaurant.

The Notre Dame isn't there anymore...it changed names many times before disappearing altogether. But it was a charming, intimate place. It had unfinished wood flooring and sculpted figures under the eaves... gargoyles, I think. He had salmon and I had an exotic fish dish sprinkled with pomegranate seeds. While sitting there we realised how overdressed we were, but then told each other, perhaps they will think we've just come from the West End?

We didn't take a taxi back to his parent's house. We had no cell phone to call, and probably no more money. But that was OK. We walked everywhere together. I remember I was chilly, I didn't have a coat. I'm sure if he had one he would have given it to me. But I didn't care. We walked in the dark, through the streets of North London, talking all the way.

It is the sweetest memory to me now, four kids, a house and two cars later. We were as poor as church mice then. I forget sometimes how little we had. Remembering helps to be grateful. But also, it makes me realise how little we really need.

Some Positive Thoughts

Taken from the United Church of Religious Science website (NOT to be confused with Christian Science or Scientology).

On Sin:

'The original meaning of sin was simply to fall short of or "miss the mark" of spiritual perfection. A sin is not a thing, it is merely an activity that produces an undesirable effect in our lives. In other words, we are punished by our sins, not for them.'

On Faith and Affirmations:

'The term affirmation is normally associated with a verbal statement that is made about some goal that we are trying to achieve, or some experience we desire to have. However, the act of affirmation is really much more than that. It is an act of faith. It is the ability to put aside your doubt and fear in order to act as if your desired goal were already a reality. In this sense, an affirmation can be any statement, act, or symbolic gesture that affirms the reality of your intentions. Through the process of affirmation we "act as if" our highest aspirations were already a reality.'

"...All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well"
-Julian of Norwich 1342-1416

'All is well in my world.'
-Louise Hay

Monday, February 11, 2008

Courage and Beauty

This image of the Buddhist monks kneeling down before the soldiers was taken from the facebook group 'Support the monk's protest in Burma' sponsored by The Burma Campaign UK. The following comment was added beneath it:

they are also praying for the soldier...if i know burmese monks well enough. they are giving their good karmas to them and in some way forgiving them for what they are doing / going to do. all burmese buddhist still believe everyone is good in some way. and the monks are better and kinder at showing their kindness - regardless of who they may be.

There are other graphic and disturbing images of what happened to these monks... but this photo stayed with me forever. I have never witnessed such courage, such beauty. I wish I had what they have. I would like to go ask them.

Welcome to My Church

Here we acknowledge the blessed Trinity: Goddess the Mother, Goddess the Daughter, and the Holy Spirit.

Our Minister and her husband will be glad to answer any questions you may have.

If you are a woman, you are welcome to apply for a position in the governing body of the church.

If you are a man, you are welcome to join the men's ministry... we have some exciting programs for our men. Only please do not open your mouth during the service, out of respect to Goddess. For men should submit to their wives, and if they have any questions, ask them privately at home.

Goddess made woman and man in her image. Therefore, both are equal. We are all daughters of Goddess. However, as man sinned first (by not fulfilling his duty to protect his wife, Eve) we understand them to be the weaker sex.

Men are so easily led astray by their desires. They seem to be governed by their hormones, not their reason. This is why woman is the head of the family. Come on now, you wouldn't want a man, who can't even look at a woman without sinning, to be the head, would you? That just goes against nature! Men who question this clearly have within them a spirit of rebellion, just as Adam rebelled. That is why men are expected to toil.

Don't get me wrong- I love my son. I am bringing him up in the ways of the Lady, so that one day he will take his position in her Queendom here on earth. I want him to fulfill his role as husband and father, obeying Goddess and his wife. Or perhaps he will not marry. He may become a missionary, or a leader in the men's ministry. Who knows?

Join with us as our worship team leads us in 'She is the Queen of Queens,' followed by 'Mother Goddess' and 'Isn't She?'

Sunday, February 10, 2008

A Little Grace, Please

Let me make it perfectly clear that I do not blame or hold resentment to any one particular gender or person.

Although many messages I have heard came straight from the pulpit, I never saw anyone in the congregation, male or female, stand up and say it wasn't true.

I have a lot of love and respect for the Christians in my past... my old Sunday School teacher, all my pastors and 'their wives.'

But it is possible to believe someone in error and love them all the same.

I am angry, at injustice. But not at people. I sincerely believe that people do the best they can. If they knew any better, they would do it differently.

I hope that is how people think of me.

A Lesson in Understanding

In the church I belonged to as a child, I often heard stories of Christians being 'spritually attacked' by witches.

In response, our church would gather at the top of the 'high places' in the city, singing hymns and praying against the witches who thought these places sacred.

This is the equivalent to witches surrounding a church and chanting or praying against it.

It was basically tit for tat.

At no point did I ever hear of anyone befriending a witch (without the goal of converting them.) I was led to believe that witches were purely agents of evil, not to be approached except for when in the safety of a group, and then only while invoking the protection of the Most High.

I carried this fear and suspicion with me for the next twenty years of my life.

I knew nothing of what witches believed apart from what Christians told me.

You wouldn't go to a witch to discover what Christians believe, would you?

From now on, I resolve to go straight to the source to discover the truth.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

- St Francis of Assisi

Let me be a Peacemaker. So mote it be!

Witches vs. Christians

When Christianity first began, followers of 'The Way' were the misunderstood minority. They were persecuted and killed, many being burned alive by followers of the established Pagan religions.

Then when Christianity was embraced by western civillization, gaining power and control, they started burning the Pagans. (the Inquisition, etc.)

Neither of these atrocities were carried out by true witches or Christians. For both believe in The Golden Rule.

Many witches who are also Wiccans stick to the Wiccan Rede: 'An it harm none, do as ye will.' Meaning only do what will not cause harm. This has also been translated as 'love God, and do what you will.'

Witches may also quote the 'threefold rule' which means that whatever you give out, comes back to you threefold. This is a very strong deterrent against practising curses or so called 'love spells' with the intent of manipulating someone else's free will.

It is unfortunate that so many people do not believe in respecting a person's free will. It is one thing to share your truth, it is another to attack someone else for their beliefs. Or worse yet, what you think they believe.

Most witches have a very strong belief in karma, that what you do to others you do to yourself. Therefore even wishing harm on another person is harming yourself. It is a belief of many ancient religions, that we are all connected and part of the same whole.

So perhaps there are bad or wicked witches, but I have known plenty of wicked Christians too. Maybe I have been one myself? I think closer to the truth is that people are people. Not divine nor diabolical, but somewhere in between.

It's OK to disagree

I welcome different opinions. Even if I don't agree, I appreciate being able to understand a different perspective. If I never had anyone challenge me, I would be very dull indeed. In fact I'm kind of wanting some lively discourse... I feel like a lonely goddess here dictating my views with no one to take me off my pedestal!

I even welcome comments on my writing.... positive ones, of course ;-)

Friday, February 8, 2008

Pennies From Heaven

'You like me, you really like me!' Although Sally Field has been misquoted, it's become so popular it's been parodied even by herself.

But that's all I could think when I checked my blog account. I have had over 30 page impressions today (not sure what that means exactly but I think people are looking at my blog). Plus from my little ad space I earned 21 cents yesterday and 17 cents today, for a grand total of 38 cents!

I have to tell you that's the most exciting 38 cents I have ever earned. I like to think of it as being paid for writing. I am having the most fun ever, doing what I love, and spilling my guts too, and I get paid for it. I love this job!

Thank you!

An Excerpt From My Novel

Linda and Ruth discuss their beliefs:

'For me, it's about living life joyously. Embracing the earth, celebrating her changing seasons. Learning the magic of nature. Living with the monthly rythmn of the moon... and worshiping the Goddess who created it all.'

Ruth mused for a while. 'I can't see anything strange in that...except for saying Goddess, and not God.'

'I say tomato, you say 'tomaydo!' Linda imitated her Canadian accent, making them both laugh. 'Languages and religions- they separate us from each other and Goddess.'

'But why say Goddess at all?'

'Language is powerful... others may not question it, but for me, it means everything. I relate to things from my own perspective. My perspective is feminine.'

Hill Tribe Magic

In 2001 I travelled to the Phillipines where I met an Aeta hill tribe living in the isolated mountains of Zambales, a province in the Central Luzon area.

The Aeta are generally considered the first inhabitants of the Phillipines. Various Aeta groups in Northern Luzon are known in the Ilocano language as 'Pugut' or 'Pugot,' a colloquial term for people with darker skin. This word also means 'goblin' or 'forest spirit.'

During my visit I sat outside the chief's house, where they served me boiled green bananas with sugar and instant coffee. I ate this with great gusto, mostly because I wanted to show them how grateful I was for their generosity, as they clearly lived in poverty.

They pointed out the large tree we were sitting under, and explained (through the translator) that they took the leaves and sold them at the market, as a natural remedy for kidney problems. I have since learned that Aeta women are renowned for their knowledge of herbal medicines.

I can't begin to explain my feelings as I ate with them, walked around their 'village,' saw their rice paddies, mango trees and water buffaloes. In the nearby river, women were washing and children were bathing in the sparkling clear water. One young boy walked past us on his way to the river, handmade fishing rod (a long stick, string and bent metal hook) over his shoulder. It was Huck Finn!

They showed me a hand operated water pump which had recently been installed- they were quite proud. I wanted to drink the water- I almost started pumping- but I was convinced not to by my guides, who told me as a foreigner I would almost certainly get sick if I didn't stick to my bottled water. I really wasn't convinced, but let it go after sensing their alarm.

The image which most clearly stayed in my mind was that of small barefoot children, running in and out of the doorway of the chief's house. My soul cried, 'Oh God, please!' It was one of the most heartfelt prayers I have ever made.

It's all I could articulate but I'll try to explain what I meant.

These people had something I wanted, so badly, it almost makes me cry as I think about it now. I didn't even have children at the time, but I thought if I did, this is what I'd want for them. To run barefoot through the mango groves, eating fresh picked bananas, fishing, bathing and drinking from the same unpolluted river. Even without children, it's what I'd like for myself!

I don't want to romanticise their situation. Despite their seemingly idyllic life, the average life expectancy of the Aeta is 16.5 years. The particular tribe I visited had been recently displaced by the eruption of their volcanic mountain home- the god they worshiped- which had turned against them.

Nevertheless, I came away with the desire to learn to live closer to the earth, learn the 'magic' of these so-called 'goblins' or 'forest spirits.' Even in my wildest dreams I didn't dare to believe that such magic could be real. But it is- I saw it.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

City Boy, Country Girl

When my husband and I first married, we lived in Milton Keynes, England. I was from Langley, B.C., and he was from London, an hour's drive south of MK.

We lived in a little brick house in an estate near a small wood. By the side of the road running past this wood, grew one solitary scraggly apple tree.

I'm pretty sure no-one else noticed this pathetic thing growing in a ditch. But I knew when I first saw it blossom in the spring that it was an apple tree, and I kept my eye on it over the summer, waiting for the apples to grow.

One day in late summer, after seeing the apples were ripe, I left the house with a bucket and went to harvest the wild fruit. I came home with enough apples to make a good sized crumble, which I lovingly prepared from scratch.

I proudly presented my finished dish to my husband, telling him that I had picked the apples myself.

'I'm not eating that!' He declared. 'You don't eat apples from a tree!'

'Really?' I replied, rather shocked. 'Where do you get apples from then?'

'From a shop.'

He stuck to his principles and never did try my crumble (which I had no difficulty eating all by myself). But since then it has been a favourite joke.

Now we live in rural B.C., where many people do eat produce that doesn't come from a shop. I'll never forget when my husband returned from a walk with friends, who had introduced him to wild Saskatoon berries. He told me that he had tasted them.

'What, you ate berries from a bush and not from a shop?' I cried in mock astonishment.

In our new backyard we have one small, lonely apple tree. Maybe next summer I'll try making a crumble again...

Miraculous, Magical, Motherhood

'Suddenly she was here. And I was no longer pregnant; I was a mother. I never believed in miracles before.'

-Ellen Greene

'I love being a mother. I am more aware. I feel things on a deeper level. I seem to have more of everything now: more love, more magic, more energy.'

-Shelley Long

'Every man for the sake of the great blessed Mother in Heaven, and for the love of his own little mother on earth, should handle all womankind gently, and hold them in all honour.'

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)

'In the sheltered simplicity of the first days after a baby is born, one sees again the magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people existing only for each other.'

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001)

'The everlasting sadness of any mother is that there comes a time when she can no longer bring magic to your life, nor cure to your troubles.'

-Diana Briscoe

The Rite Stuff

'Very simple rituals are the most powerful tools for raising engaged, fulfilled, resilient children. Rituals give families a sense of identity, along with comfort and security. They slow down time and heighten our senses.'

-Meg Cox, The Book of New Family Traditions

I read this quote in the December issue of Today's Parent magazine. The last sentence gave me a revelation into understanding why I love Anglican church services, full of ritual, so much. I have not been to many services like that, but coming from a completely different church background, I find it refreshing, a totally different experience of the sacred. I love the way the Eucharist is celebrated.
I have never been to a Catholic service, but I have been told they use incense, and I am sure I would love this too.
Currently, I satisfy myself with the occasional 'bathing' ritual- fill the tub with water just as hot as I can stand it, filled with scented bubbles, and light pure beeswax candles. And imagine that I can't hear the kids getting out of bed...

Soul Food

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,

And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,

Sell one, and with the dole

Buy Hyacinths to feed thy soul.

-Sheikh Saadi, thirteenth century Persian poet

Hyacinth sitting on my kitchen windowsill. Glade plug-ins, eat your heart out!


Welcome, youth, who come attended by immortal charioteers and mares which bear you on your journey to our dwelling. For it is no evil fate that has set you to travel on this road, far from the beaten paths of men, but right and justice. It is meet that you learn all things - both the unshakable heart of well-rounded truth and the opinions of mortals in which there is not true belief.
-Parmenides quoting the 'unknown Goddess' (5th Century B.C.)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Who am I talking to?

Being raised to believe in the Christian trinity, I was told I could talk to Jesus, who was my friend, as well as praying to the Father in Jesus' name. I could ask the Father to send me his Holy Spirit in Jesus' name, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what God (the Father or Jesus, I'm not sure) was saying.

So who do I ask to speak to?

I have recently discovered that Jesus called the Holy Spirit 'Ruach HaKodesh,' another feminine gender term.

In the Christian godhead we have the Father, and the Son. So could this be the Divine Mother?

Or did God model for us a single parent family?

I was always taught that God intended families to have both a mother and a father.

Does his own existence contradict this? Or do I have a heavenly Mother?

Suddenly my respect for my own mother improves..... as well as my own motherhood.

I'd like to speak to my Mother, please.

God is Not Male

I believe in a Supreme Creator Deity, nameless and ageless, neither male nor female. I believe that originating from this Deity are two aspects: female and male.

Despite being assured by Christians that God is not purely masculine, male pronouns are consistently used to describe every member of the trinity. The Creator is referred to as the Father, and the Holy Spirit, despite being given the feminine name 'Shekinah' in Hebrew, is always 'he' or 'it.'

Calling the Shekinah 'he' or 'it' is like calling Jesus 'she.' At best, it doesn't make sense. At worst, it is a desecration.

Consider the words used to describe the Christian god:

God, not Goddess. Father, not Mother. Lord, not Lady. King, not Queen. He, not She.

I was led to believe that my being unable to accept referring to God as anything but 'he' was due to a streak of feminist rebellion. (The Eve in me, I suppose). But I believe being unable to refer to God as 'she' is due to male chauvanism. It gratifies men, not God.

I asked myself; why does it repulse you so much to consider God as a She? What does this say about your opinion of the feminine aspect of God? What does this say about your opinion of God's female creation?

If God is not Mother, Lady, or Queen, then women are not a reflection of God. How can I love myself, my mother, my sisters or my daughters?

I refuse to call myself a Son of God. (I was told this applies to men and women equally, because under God we are all 'sons and rightful heirs.' As if this reference to the historical disinheritance of women makes it more palatable!) I will not compromise or diminish my Divine Femininity.

I am looking for my Goddess. The One in whose image I was created.

Green Witch

adjective 1. not fully developed in growth or perfection.
2. characterized by the presence of greenness, esp. of fresh, flourishing vegetation.

Witch noun 1. a woman who professes to practice magic.

After discovering that witches do not even believe in Satan (who belongs to Christianity) let alone follow him, I decided I liked it so much, that's what I would call myself.

My understanding is that 'witches' were midwives, healers, wise women or mystics. The patriarchal church just about stamped them out but they are coming back. Midwifery has been practiced in British Columbia for the past two years. It's OK now; we don't have the church telling us that because of Eve women are supposed to suffer in childbirth. Women are allowed to help other women again.

I have always practiced magic- in my garden, in the wild, wherever the sky was my roof and the earth my floor. I have prayed, sang, made affirmations and performed rituals. But it always came from my heart, not a book. I did not call it magic.

I acknowledge that I am an amateur. Therefore, 'Green' will suit me both now, and in the future. It is possible I could become a professional magic practitioner, but I will always belong to the Earth.