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This is my spiritual journey. I am looking for the truth of who I am and who God is, unfettered by the traditions prescribed by my family, church and culture.

25 February 2008

'I found God in myself and I loved her fiercely.'

Ntozake Shange

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Enlightenment for a Stay at Home Mom?

What I really want to know is, has any woman with four children aged six and under, ever achieved enlightenment?

I'm sorry to be blasphemous, but the prince who meditated under a tree to find enlightenment had to leave his wife and child to do it. As a woman and now a mother, I have never been impressed with that story.

And Jesus, well he had no children at all.

I can't go to the bathroom with the door shut. I live in my place of work. And it doesn't help that we live on the exact opposite side of the world from both sets of grandparents. No babysitters, no helpers at all!

I am not even impressed when I hear a story of a person who has one child. I always say, and I am sorry if this offends you, that having one child is like having no children, compared to having two. (So there, Martha Stewart!)

Of course when I had only one child I felt totally overwhelmed. But looking back, I can't believe the things I was able to do! The biggest jump is two. After that, you might as well keep on going...

But I digress.

Yes it was my choice to have children, but I wasn't on any real spiritual search until after I had them. And now, when I need it most, I can't escape to meditate in a cave, not for fifteen minutes!

I am aware of the resistance in me towards people who do not have children. It is my own issue, my own excuses. My husband, who is so much more dedicated than me, and can spend hours a day meditating, even if it means getting up extra early. He always says to me, you make the time.

But sleep deprivation is an awful thing. And hard to recover from. And many times when I sit to quiet my mind (after the baby's down- late night) I fall asleep.

Another experience for me... to learn compassion??!!

I know that this time does not last forever, that it will pass, but in the meantime my children live with a stressed out ogre. And I have four voices screaming and demanding (five if you include my DH) all day and night. Well that's not completely true. But not having agreed upon work hours, I can't plan anything. I do not have evenings and weekends off. What snatches of time I do have, I end up here! And this is so therapeutic. But still...

Sometimes I envy prison inmates. With nothing to think of but themselves. So much solitary time. A person could easily become enlightened in jail!

But even if I did manage to get myself committed (insane asylum or jail, both look rather appealing from here!) would the excuses end? Or would I find more?

3 comments:

The Acolyte Tao said...

Don't worry about reaching Enlightenment now, or in this life time, life is continuous, never ends, there is no rush to reach it. Just pick up something from every situation and learn from it. That's a part of the game. Remember, wanting creates suffering, and you're wanting enlightenment. Just don't worry about it, enjoy yourself, do all things you believe are positive and just live to the best of your ability.
Namaste!
-The Acolyte Tao!

Pagan Green Witch said...

Thank you. That made my day :-)

TheAcolyteTao said...

No problem, I'm absolutely glad it did! And since I made your day, have a wonderful tomorrow!